Example: “Abnormal appearance of the wall of the mid transverse colon, the wall is thickened and findings are concerning for malignancy within the transverse colon.
-3 prepositional phrases: “of the wall”, “of the mid transverse colon”, “within the transverse” colon”.
-should not need to say “transverse colon” or “wall” twice each in one sentence.
-“Abnormal appearance” is not a useful impression, particularly when the subsequent impression is “concerning for malignancy”. I don’t think it would ever be said “Normal appearance concerning for malignancy”, so don’t need to say “abnormal appearance”.
potential rewrite: Thickened mid transverse colon concerning for malignancy.
The example sentence has 24 words . The edited version has 7.
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