Example: Constellation of scintigraphic findings consistent with positive treatment response evidenced by marked interval improvement in the overall appearance of the diffuse heterogeneous osseous uptake as described above.

On the Flesch Reading Ease scale where higher scores mean easier reading,  the example scores -14.8. (The Harvard Law Review averages around 30.)

Editor comments: An important principle of clear writing is to use a word’s most common meaning. “Constellation”, as used in the example, violates this principle. Further, the words “constellation of” are unnecessary. Omitting them leaves “Scintigraphic findings consistent with positive…”; which tells the reader the same thing.

-Positive treatment response should be consolidated into either “Complete response” or “Partial response”, depending on the findings.

-don’t need the word interval; removing it doesn’t change the meaning

–evidenced by marked interval improvement in the overall appearance – “marked improvement” is an impression, not evidence. Evidence is a finding from which a conclusion is formed. Decreased FDG activity is evidence of improvement and treatment response.

–diffuse heterogeneous osseous uptake as described above – “diffuse heterogeneous” is a finding and doesn’t need to be repeated in the report impression. The author highlights the redundancy by pointing out the finding is as “described above”.

potential rewrite: Partial treatment response evidenced by a marked decreased in skeletal FDG activity.

The edited version has 12 words and Flesch Reading Ease of 32.5.

–